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Perhaps you were with a cheater, a liar, someone who put you down or ignored you, and you are having a hard time trusting again.You stayed in that relationship for many reasons—if you had kids, you were probably concerned about how a split might affect them.After the stress of going through a divorce, it can be difficult to think about dating again.Everyone has their own timeline for when they might want to get out there."Separation or divorce is an emotionally draining time.Although it might be tempting to lick your wounds with positive attention from another, this distraction can actually inhibit you from the healing work that is necessary to move forward in a healthy way with someone in the future." "If the 'why' is to avoid painful feelings like hurt, anger, or loneliness, then it may be helpful to take some time to heal before jumping back into dating," says Jaclyn Friedenthal, Psy. "If the 'why' is because you have taken time to heal, you now to date, and you're willing to feel all the emotions involved in dating again, then it’s a good sign that you're ready.Familiarize yourself with the red flags, and you’ll be able to recognize them sooner rather than later. If you’re not feeling worthy, it’s because you need to cultivate your self-care and self-love. Practice, practice, practice, and you’ll improve your ability to choose a better partner next time. ◊♦◊ I recently had a client say that her biggest fear was that she was ‘un-dateable’. Because no matter your past relationship history, you are worthy of love. ◊♦◊ Fear is one of the biggest deterrents to living your best life. But to me, it’s scarier to imagine a life lived in fear, a life without the love you deserve. But wouldn’t you like to live your best life and have your best love?
Some people worry that a divorce means that someone is not good at relationships, but there are loads of reasons someone might be divorced.These are just a few reasons for why people don’t leave toxic relationships. ◊♦◊ Let’s explore some of the reasons why you might be afraid to date again, and how you can overcome those fears to date and have the relationship you deserve. I suggest you read everything out there on red flags.Maybe, like me, you had given up hope, thinking that as bad as your marriage or relationship was, your friend’s marriages were not much better. Whatever the reasons you had for staying in a relationship that wasn’t working, it’s over and now, you are afraid to date again. I have several posts about the ways to spot a narcissist or an emotionally unavailable partner. If you learn from every date, you’ll break your unhealthy relationship patterns.AVOID – Have they made changes to their life so that they have made a space away from their ex?Check that when they have plans, they can stick to them, even if their ex begs them to see her (this might be more complicated if children are involved).