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Instead he’ll make clothing suggestions—sarongs, saris, dashikis, dreads, natural hair instead of extensions—and he’ll study you. There might not be a lot of talk; it might be mainly a physical relationship, one that’s both pleasurable and fun. If he’s Jewish, all he wants you to know is 1) you’ve helped him really break his mother’s heart and 2) it’s never too late to convert, which would placate his mother and save your children. He sees nothing wrong with kissing his dog, then kissing you not that much later. He cries when his dog has to get shots at the vet, but not every time it’s mentioned on the news that a Muslim American girl was recently murdered in Virginia. He and his mother enjoyed Jewel in the Crown, the PBS miniseries of decades ago that showed a white colonial officer whipping an Indian subject. This will seem humble, as romantic as a man getting down on bended knee. If he learns more than a few simple sentences, at some point, he will start correcting you. If he spent years studying some aspect of what you think of as “your” culture, he won’t waste time arguing with you about whether it’s really your culture, or whether you know enough about it.

It’s about trust, and nothing dismantles trust faster than judging a book by its cover — whether that cover is yellow, black, brown or white.

As with many things in life, it’s the wounds that leave a mark. It’s something I hear a lot from my Asian girlfriends.

Admittedly, there are a few less hurdles — emotionally, sociologically, and psychologically — when dating an Asian guy. And at the end of the day, marrying within my own culture had zero bearing on the relative success and failure of my marriage.

”Against my better judgment, I assumed that the wingman just wasn’t very good at his job and started talking to his friend anyway.

We ended up hitting it off, but it wasn’t until our first date that I realized I had underestimated the wingman’s abilities.

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