Validating caring for others
Finally, you need to do a third thing to self-validate: You will discover yourself feeling better and better about yourself and needing less and less validation from others as you take these steps. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy?
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All feelings are informational, letting you know when you are abandoning yourself with your self-judgments and various addictions, and when others are being uncaring toward you and disconnected from you.
As you learn to attend to your feelings and validate the information they are giving you, you will start to feel a deeper sense of self-worth and self-esteem.
Let’s talk first about what validation like on the receiving end, and then we’ll look at how to do it. Our words, actions and/or feelings make sense to another person.
When someone validates us, we feel like we’re no longer alone. They’re not judging us for how we feel, so we can relax in their presence, and let down our defenses. Here’s a simple example: In this example, Teresa is validating Ed’s feelings by making sense of them for him.
Even if Teresa has never had any pets herself, and can’t imagine being emotionally attached to an animal, she knows that Ed loved Pogo, and is grieving his loss.
There’s no judgment in her voice or her heart, just a desire to let Ed know that he’s not crazy, wrong or silly to miss his dog.
If you have an actual child and you want to raise that child to feel very secure, loved, and valued, how would you treat that child? This is how you need to treat yourself – your own inner child, if you want to become a self-validating person. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process – featured on Oprah.
As you learn to trust your inner knowing rather than make others your authority for what is right or wrong for you, you will start to feel more inwardly powerful.
When you choose to be kind to yourself and to others and value yourself for your kindness, you will find yourself feeling very happy with yourself.
However, if your parents did not validate you or themselves, then the chances are that you not only don’t know how to do this for yourself, but you don’t even know that it is your responsibility to do this for yourself.
Since I received very little validation as I was growing, and I never saw my parents validate themselves, I had no idea how to do it or even that it was possible to do this for myself.